So during the course of our initial conversations and subsequent ones after returning home there were some very direct questions that I asked Pastor.
I'll share just a few selected ones. I asked Pastor, who is African by the way, on his views on Domestic Violence. He gave me a very way out response along the lines of he would never use a gun to kill/harm a woman. I told him that was a bit extreme and I was more asking along the lines of beating a woman etc. He did not answer my question directly, but only stated that women do the same thing with their mouth. 🚩 Red Flag #1
I asked Pastor, what attributes is most important to him in a wife. His response was Respect and Loyalty. He decided to explain that by loyalty, he needs someone that no matter what happens between them, and the example he chose to use was, even if the husband beats his wife, this should not be reported to any family member. 🚩 Red Flag #2
He then went on to "explain" that in his culture, you don't discuss disputes with your husband to your own family because they will never forgive, instead you should discuss your unresolvable disputes/issues with your spouses family because they would have more influence.
I quickly told him that I'm Jamaican, I'm not African and my family and I would
After a while I decided to stop answering his calls because after a while he wasn't talking about anything just childish chit chat and he was always so busy on his way somewhere or just distracted. I finally decided to respond to a message he sent asking why I was not answering or returning his calls etc. I responded and told him that this is not leading anywhere and I don't want to waste my time.
He told me when we met to talk initially while I was in Canada that there was something he wanted to tell me but he was too emotional to talk about it at the time. I already knew that it was. He was married previously because our "arranges" told me that he confided this information to them. I patiently waited for him to bring it up but it never happened. So, when he called to talk through why I wasn't responding to him, one of the things I reminded him that there was something that he mentioned he needed to talk to me about. Then the excuses came, oh I would need to talk to you in person.....I reminded him he had the opportunity to talk to me while I was there. Oh, I just met you at the time.....I told him that we have been talking for a while now.....Oh, I cant talk about these things over the phone......one excuse after the other. 🚩 Red Flag #3
During the course of this conversation I asked him what are we doing, what is the purpose, where are we heading? I'm not interested in entertaining anything that has do direction/purpose. (I could sense that this situation was fastly becoming a "situationship"). He reminded me that I didn't want to move to Canada and that he is not going to leave his job and then started asking me questions about marriage arrangements as if he made a proposal. After that conversation, I knew I was done with him and I blocked his number. I refuse to emotionally entertain nothingness.
I am disappointed but not disappointed if you know what I mean. But I keep faith that my journey to marriage is still in the making and to be continued.
This is a short condensed synopsis of this encounter. What are your thoughts? Do you think I made the right decision? What would you title this post?