Monday, August 15, 2011

A Bruised Heart

I have so much admiration for bloggers who share personal experiences of hurt and pain because it really takes a lot of courage to share your heart.  I am going to make myself vulnerable today and share a deep hurt and the realizations/revelations I got from it. 

I really really like this young man that I've known for about 6 years now.  He is handsome, ambitious and loves the Lord.  I have met his family (an intentional action by him).  One day several years ago he asked that I come and meet his father. I've attended his place of worship by invitation several times and have been introduced to his friends.  I was invited to and attended his graduations etc. But while these actions would seem as if he likes me in actuality I'm confused and really don't think he does. 

He rarely calls me or texts me and I attribute excuse this to his school schedule as he is currently in a rigorous PhD medical program.  I reach out to him most times (once every other month) to say hi and briefly chit chat.  He doesn't/hasn't tried to  "toast me".  on the rare occasions that I send him a text message just saying hi and how are you his responses are brief.  Well over the weekend I sent a text asking if he was OK since I haven't heard from him all summer (except once when he sent me a text asking how I was doing) and I knew he would be returning to school.  He said he was OK and that he returned to school the day prior. No elaboration just dry, he didn't even make time to stop by and see me or suggest that we have lunch/dinner before he leaves. 


I was a bit crushed as I really like ' admire' this guy.  Any way the Holy Spirit spoke to me so profoundly as I reflected over my life on various disappointments, for example not getting the job that I wanted at a particular time, not getting house I wanted, but when I look back, I thank God because HE had something better in store for me for all these instances and more.  I am in the best job and organization that I could ever dream of;  The house I live in is so much nicer than the one I previously thought I had to have.  so many more examples. 

I pray that I will be patient and allow God to orchestrate and dictate my future as I know He has the best in store for me.

11 comments:

  1. I really understand this feeling gurl and been there several times. Now, God is too detailed and has your best interest at heart so rely on Him(Ps.32:8) and allow Him help at this time.
    He will give ‎​you the best in store... Amen

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  2. Many girls have gone through this. I really can't judge cos I don't know you guys well, but I don't think the guy is interested in anything serious. Did you make yourself too available and it turned him off, or maybe the guy is going through stuffs, maybe he is not your man. All I know is that you shouldn't allow your emotions to get toyed with
    It is good that you are close to God, that way it will be hard for you to falter.

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  3. From God's track record in your life...this is a blessing in disguise

    *hug* take heart...thing bigger and better...exceedingly, abundantly, and above!!!

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  4. *Hugs*...take it easy,try to focus on something if possible not on this guy even when he starts showing interest else you are truly convince he is interested and thats what you want.

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  5. So encouraging to hear that others have experienced this and the reassurance that God's plan is always the best. Thank you all for your encouragement.

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  6. First time on your blog and I just had to comment. My dear, God makes EVERYTHING work together for our good. It may not look like it now, but soon, you will look back at this day and thank God for making it exactly the way it happened. Ohh... I could write a whole page on this but I won`t. God bless and keep your tender heart.

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  7. This is deep! Truth is, to love is a big decision and not to get it in return hurts. But guess what? That's how Jesus Himself loves us. I am not saying as Christians we should get used to rejection, but we should ask for grace not to be 'killed' by it so we can continue loving.

    More so in a seemingly 'romantic' sort of this type, ask the Holy spirit to help you. My mum taught me this prayer when I had so many ladies in my life as friends; all were very good so much that I bcame very confused. She said, "Moyo pray that any of them that is not God's will for your life to not work out and for those that are God's will should remain and fulfill their God-given role". It was a dangerous prayer as I didn't want to lose any of them but guess what? It worked! All of them at that time, none of them stayed! haha.

    Will probably share the rest of the tale at a later time... got to run!

    - LDP

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  8. LDP, Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing your story. Your refernce to how Jesus loves us is soo true. Sometimes I think about how I dissapoint him with my inconsistencies (praying and reading the word and structuring my time etc.)Yet he is always there for me.

    I think that is such an effective prayer especially if one desires to live in God's will as far as "Admiration/Like/Love" is concerned. It's just so hard for us girls to find a decent man because they are far and few. You guys have it so much easier, I think.

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  9. It's not as easy for us guys as you think HF. I tell you, its just as difficult or even more. You know why I feel its easier for the girls? All you have to do is wait for the guy to come. We are the ones that often make a first hand decision. We have many to choose from. At least as a lady, you will have one guy at a time to pray about. I mean the ones that ask you out per time. But for us, we have to do the asking... so we really have to get it right before we do the asking (especially as a Christian brother). U get?

    - LDP

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  10. I see what you are saying from a guys perspective; having to make a choice and be brave to make your intentions known in addition to not wanting to be rejected, hoping the choice is right etc; I get it. I guess your right. Waiting to be chosen from our perspective though especially when time is TICKING is frustrating and disheartening.

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  11. Hmm... "when time is ticking..." Now I know how you feel. God will bring it to pass HF. Trust Him :)

    - LDP

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